Have you ever noticed that when you try and solve one problem, a whole new one appears?
When I had finally reached the end of my rope and decided to slow down, I knew that I had to delve into these thoughts and feelings that I had pushed down and shelved for so long. It was time to show myself some kindness and do a little healing.
So when I finally relaxed and listened, imagine my surprise when I heard the constant chatter in my head, listing every single thing that I did. Oh, and by the way, I had done it all wrong.
When did my voice become so mean?
One of the more surprising elements of slowing down and being more kind to myself is discovering that I actually was not so kind to myself in my head. This didn’t seem right. I needed answers. So my nurse brain kicked in. I started reading, went down a rabbit hole and this is what I discovered.
There is a part of our brains that is the security monitor — the amygdala. Its sole job is to keep us safe. From everything. The original biological intent was to keep us alive and well from predators. Quite literally, fight or flight. This is a rapid response mechanism, meant to kick in, get us to safety and then turn off.
But it has not evolved so well in this modern era. The turning off part has become pretty difficult for many, including me. What was once developed to save us from being eaten by a predator has turned into chronic life or death reactions to everything all day long. Our workload, arguing with a spouse, or even just traffic.
The flood of stress hormones from this reaction also shuts down the frontal lobe — the rational part of our brains that are supposed to logic our way out of fear. Except that now it can’t. And it’s struggling to keep up too.
What the voice in our head is doing is trying to keep us safe from every perceived threat.
Which can be almost anything in this day and age. To make matters worse, we tend to keep the harsh voices from our past in our memories. A tired teacher who was short with us. An angry parent who snapped. So as our stress levels go up, our brain will mimic these voices from the past as in an effort to protect us. We are, unfortunately, hardwired to focus more on the negative than the positive. All the better to keep you safe — in theory.
But in reality, as we overload ourselves with work and stress, we can get stuck in a feedback loop and just ruminate. Our brain worries constantly, to the help of no one. Which leaves us exhausted, overwhelmed and emotionally spent.
This is finally the answer I was looking for.
I was so overworked, so done — emotionally and physically — that my brain was stuck in a stress loop that I couldn’t even see, much less get out of.
Slowing down has helped me to breathe, and listen to my inner voice and recognize that it’s not me. It’s simply an old recording of previous voices in my life that bubbles up under stress.
Brené Brown explores this concept beautifully in her book I Thought It Was Just Me — how shame and the critical voice aren’t personal failings but learned responses. Perfectionism and overproducing can stem from feelings of not being worthy and so we look for safety in performance. And over extend ourselves in the process.
Sitting and writing my thoughts out and seeing them on paper allowed me to really evaluate them. Are they mine? Is it true? And most importantly, do I need to even keep it any more?
Journaling has helped me purge some of these old beliefs that whispered in the back of my mind. I can look at these voices from my past that rise up, be grateful for them getting me through some tough times, and set them free. And that in itself has been so freeing.